R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Recently, I was part of a discussion about “respect”, in this case it was about a picture that was taken of a champion women’s sports team that had been invited to the White House. The picture caused concern for one of the participant’s brothers that saw the picture later and noticed that his sister along with a couple of other team members had worn flip-flops to the White House…his email back to his sister citing his indignation was what had lead to a national news story.

Now the whole issue about flip-flops becoming a national news story is not the issue, so far as I am concerned. The argument about that is centered between changes in culture and different perceptions about what is acceptable and what is not. What concerns me though, is the way the discussion I had had about it with several others that had revealed such a decline in standards of what if anything, deserves “respect.” The argument finally revealed that there are many in society today that see nothing wrong with not paying the Office of The President of The United States any level of respect at all. Because, in their opinion, if they feel the man in the office does not deserve respect, then none is due whatsoever.

I was trying to make the point that regardless of who the person is that occupies the Office of President, it does not diminish the fact that certain levels of decorum and respect are due the office and the invitation to the White House itself. Of course, the discussion degenerated quickly into name calling about the man who is president and my debate opponents pressing the fact that because of the freedom of this land, they had every right to bad mouth the man and the office at the same time, as if they were one and the same.

How sad it is that we have come to this point in our nation’s history. Sad that I should not have to lecture someone on the importance of being able to separate the man from the office. It is the very respect that they should have for the office that is the reason they have the “right” to bad-mouth the man that is president in the first place. If we do not hold anything of value higher than our own wants and desires, and set them apart from ourselves, then we are doomed to go the way of every other civilization that has risen and fallen before this one. We may disagree on the level of personal standards and ideals, but if there are not standards and ideals bigger than us all as individuals we can not, and I say, should not, stand the test of time.

As with all citizens of this country since it’s inception, we bear the responsibility to care for its legacy and hold to the ideals that greater things than our own beliefs are worth lifting up and holding high. The power of individual speech and the ability to hold views opposite of others is only protected so long as there are those greater than ourselves willing to stand up for them.

We have those in society that revel in being able to buck the system and hold views that may be contrary to the nation as a whole. Of course, at the heart of the matter is that contrary views are part of the backbone of our legacy. However, it has become such that views are expressed in such a way that they do not carry any responsibility to the greater idea of being an American first and a detractor of it second. Today’s society tends to glorify those that want to bypass the responsibility of citizenship and go straight to detractor.

Cheapening arguments by not considering and holding American ideals sacred at the basis of the argument is to allow the foundation that enables the arguments to be eroded slowly. My point being is that at some time in the future if the populace discounts and discards those things that have made America what it is it will eventually mean America will have to crumble and fall. Of course the old saying which some may consider trite has perfect meaning here; “If you don’t stand for something…you will fall for anything.” The problem lies in that we confuse the issues of any given argument for the foundations that make the argument possible in the first place. It’s because we are a nation that values the ideals that have brought us to this point in history that makes it possible to be a contrarian to most other public opinion.

Regardless of who serves as President of the United States, the argument against him should stop short of demeaning and degrading the office he holds. If it doesn’t, then eventually the office itself will carry no more importance than as if he were the local dog catcher. And it is the realization that there are many in our society who would say; “So what?” that makes it the saddest thing of all. How blind they are to being part of the problem rather than being part of a solution to societal decay. Since this country’s inception and all throughout its recorded history, men and women have differed and held contrary views, but at the end of the day, they all stood shoulder to shoulder to proclaim a common manifest destiny…that we are Americans and we stand together for a set of basic beliefs.

Disrespect for the institutions of our society causes the foundations of our society to wear and grow thin, eventually making them unable to support arguments of any weight or substance, regardless of positions on the issues. That will only lead to one position, one idea ever being given a voice. How can their be an “arena of ideas” if there is nothing to build the arena on in the first place?

And I do say, showing disrespect towards the Office of President of the United States is unAmerican. We can continue to debate whether wearing flip-flops to the White House is disrespectful. But the measure I would use on that is would you wear flip-flops to your grandmother's funeral and if you say yes, then by all means slip them on on your way to White House.

It's all in how you say it.

I was struck by a phrase I used the other day...while doing something thoughtful for someone (and I mean thoughtful in the sense I put thought into it, not necessairyly magnanimous or the like). After handing over something I had made for someone, they said "Thanks a lot" and I said; "Oh, it's the least I could do."

As often as I may have used that phrase, it struck me this time as what I really said was; "Oh, no problem, I couldn't have done anything more insignificant if I had tried." That is really what those words put together mean.

Often though, we say things that are very common to us, but we don't bother to stop and listen to what we actually say. For instance, before I really caught myself doing it and consciously made sure to not say it any more, I would say "I could care less!" about something I thought was meaningless to me...when acutally I should have said; " I COULDN'T care less!" Because if "I could care less", then I COULD care less.

Often, it is my southern slang that catches me up in a tangle, when I am talking to someone that is not southern by the grace of God. My teachers, growing up, loved to let me know that "'Ain't' is not a word." More often than not though, it is simply just saying something for the 247th time like I have always said it, before I realize, or someone points out to me, that is incorrect wording or phrasing.

So, next time someone is the receipent of something thoughtful on my part, I should just correctly say; "It's the most I could do." Because I should have done better if it was that important in the first place.

What makes it lucky?

Like most of the sayings that you can recall in your head, you don't know where they came from, they are just there. For example..."Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" or "a watched pot never boils", but one that popped back in my mind today as I headed in from the spot where I park my car at work was; "Find a penny, pick it up, and the rest of the day you will have good luck."

I would suppose that this is one of those sayings that has been around for quite some time in the big scheme of things. I say that because it involves a penny...who would think today about a penny being the harbinger of "luck." Now days, for the saying to mean much it would probably have to say something like; "Find a $1.00, pick it up, and the rest of the day you will have...a dollar in your pocket." Now, I'm not against bending down to pick up a piece of money I find lying around, but chances are, if it is a penny, I'm the one that threw it down in the first place. I am well known in my little circle of one of tossing pennies haphazardly about to spread as much luck for others as I can.

Pennys have become about as useful in our monetary system as the proverbial "screen door on a submarine" or any other more colorful euphemisms you can think of. Try using a penny (or several of them) to pay for something today. Unless you put six of them together, buying a piece of gum is out. Forget about finding a "gumball machine" to take your pennies also. And that pretty much limits your commodities available with less than 10 cents worth of pennies. Watch the expression on the clerks face if you try to count out more than 10 to 20 cents worth of pennies to them. Now before any of you die-hard penny slot players remind me about the hours of joy you can have sitting in front of a one-armed bandit dropping in your pennies, just remember, I don't care.

Our government can argue legislation to give and take away just about anything in our society, but I would suspect the debate to do away with the penny would be one for the ages. But how much does it cost to administer the infrastructure to accommodate the penny? Couldn't that money be used instead to fund the NEA so they can give money to an "artist" who paints with poop?

Back to my original thought, of why should it be lucky to pick up a penny. It hasn't done much for me in my pocket when it was there to start with, so bending to pick it up and put one back in my pocket wouldn't carry much mystical powers of the all-powerful luck I think. Now a dime, that's a whooole different story.

Tipping? Is it a city in China?

"Too Insure Prompt Service", at least that's what I thought "tipping" always meant. But the mystical "tip" is something that has taken on a life of its own. Now I'm all for rewarding effort in any arena, but a tip should be just that, "a reward". Animal trainers rarely "reward" their subject for sitting and playing dead rather than fetching the stick, Crimestoppers is not going to pay you a "reward" for giving them a tip that doesn't pan out, and unless you're a Canadian Ice Dancing team, you are not going to be "rewarded" with top marks at the Olympics for stumbling and falling down during your performance.

So why is it that merely placing an order in a restaurant requires me to "reward" the employee that brings that order to me? Am I not paying fair-market value for that order to start with? In any other sales environment, I am paying the proportionate amount of overhead to cover items such as salary for the particular item that I purchase. Now I fully expect that I may be inundated with responses from waitpersons telling me how hard they work for very little pay...granted, being paid less than minimum wage for serving food should not be allowed. But we have taken the reward system of tipping and bastardized it to the point where I am vilified for not laying down at least a couple of dollars on the table after my meal, regardless of the level of service I received.

As the customer, I should not be required to directly fund an employee's salary. That is why there is such a thing as overhead, which is figured in the actual price I pay. I should be free to offer a gratuity of my own choosing. A gratuity is a small amount of money given for services rendered. But services rendered requires you to go over and above simply taking my order and managing not to spill it on me when you bring it to me from the kitchen.

But let's step aside for a moment...why is there a waiting list for top wait jobs in many restaurants, clubs, casino's, etc.? Because a "good" waitperson can make a KILLING! It's not hard to do...be attentive, anticipate needs, and simply come back around every once in a while and ask; "can I get you anything else?" Being attentive means noticing that when you brought my food I didn't have anything to eat it with besides the utensils I was born with. Being attentive is not even bothering to check if I need more tea...assume that I do; I will tell you if I don't want any more. Anticipate the needs, like bringing ketchup when I order something with fries (or whatever condiment is appropriate wherever you are [which should be ketchup regardless, but that's a whole other blog]), or if I ask for extra lemon in my tea when I first place my order that I might expect some more when and if you come to fill my glass up again.

Being a waitperson is not hard...and I don't mean it's not hard work, obviously it is...but just having common sense and thinking of how you would like to be waited on if the roles were reversed should go a long way in letting you know how the job should be done.

I have gone as far as leaving a 2-cent tip before, rather than nothing at all, just so the waitperson gets the message. I've gone to the manager to give them my tip because they were the one that happened to smile as they walked past my table, not bothering to stop themselves if they noticed something was amiss...thinking maybe it would give them a hint about their establishment's service. I've left very generous tips as much as 30-40% at times when I received exceptional service, and I've obviously never gone back to a restaurant where the lack of service made that decision for me.

Tipping should be plain and simple, as a waitperson, bust your tail as many do, and you will have money falling out of your pockets at the end of the night...or continue to be a mediocre or failing waitperson and you will have only your own complaints to line your pockets with.

But then again, that's just my 4 cents worth.